Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers (Nice Girls Book)

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Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers (Nice Girls Book)

Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers (Nice Girls Book)

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Put yourself first. I tell my sister this all the time, but the only person looking out for you is YOU. Easier said than internalized. It is NOT selfish to have your needs met. Have a life outside of work, especially. Likeability and being perceived as “nice” is an incredibly important factor for success for both men and women, but it’s simply not sufficient. Therefore, it is crucial to balance being liked with being respected and understanding the difference between the two. If you are only concerned with being nice, your need to be liked will prevent you from taking the risks of those who are usually respected, such as voicing out contrarian opinions, or putting your foot down when being taken advantage of, for example. Contrarily, if you are only concerned with being respected and don’t care at all about being nice you risk losing the support of your network and in some cases… being perceived as a selfish inflexible jerk. And there is nothing worse than becoming a jerk when being nice is just so. darn. easy. So don’t be a jerk. Frankel first has the reader take a 49 question quiz, which is able to determine which of the eight areas are both your strong and weak points. My strengths were in "how you think," "how you look," and "how you play the game." Honestly, parts of the "how you look" section of the book was a bit ridiculous and somewhat dated, even though this book is but 8 years old, (don't wear inappropriate makeup, dress appropriately, grooming in public, wrong hairstyle, etc.), but the DC Interns blog, cataloging all the mishaps of our annual guests, exists for a reason. All of these examples show up repeatedly in that blog, so clearly, this issue still exists. For me, the parts about "dressing the part" were the easiest--it was the more physical ways of holding yourself that I learned I needed to work on. Failing to proactively negotiate at work costs nice girls not only money, but affects career opportunities and job success as well”, says Frohlinger, author, keynote speaker, and Managing Director for Negotiating Women Inc. “ Women have to raise their hands to let people know they are interested when a big job becomes available. They have to request the resources required to get the job done. They have to reach an agreement on project parameters and deadlines. And yes, they certainly have to advocate when it comes to compensation”. CAROL Frohlinger Lastly, separate being liked and getting what you deserve. If you ask for what you deserve in an appropriate way and are suddenly not liked because of it, they might just be hoping you will give in to their expression of displeasure. Don’t 🙂 4. Holding your tongue and softening your message

Either the author has some pretty antiquated ideas about how women should deal with the issues they are facing professionally - basically, the onus on the ugly behavior of some men being our problem to solve - or she outright hates women. Stop using touchy-feely language. Be assertive. "I think..." "I believe..." "I intend..." "I would like..." Be strong! Be direct! Language strongly conveys messages about us, so show that you're strong and decisive. This comes up again in "How You Respond." To counter being treated inappropriately, learn to tell people what you really think. "I would appreciate it if you did X." I find most outdated the overall premise of the book: that women should be more like power hungry american corporate men rather than meeting in the middle. I say ‘the right words’ because Lois P. Frankel left me with very mixed feelings. I loved it and hated it.Don't give the whole truth unless it's 100% necessary. This is so true with job applications. Women are more apt to not apply for a job if they don't meet all qualifications, while men will apply when it's about a 75% match of skills to qualifications. Two key points: "Don't make a mistake worse by embellishment...Avoid the tendency to agree or explain, and don't allow yourself to feel bad about it. Practice saying, 'I understand what you're saying, and I'll keep that in mind in the future.'" And "It's true I don't have all the qualifications listed, but what makes me a viable candidate is my depth of hands-on experience." Definitely something to keep in mind as I job search. Please be aware that the delivery time frame may vary according to the area of delivery - the approximate delivery time is usually between 1-2 business days. This was by far my worst category. Women are not taught to defend ourselves or get angry when someone is disrespectful to us, teaching us to be tolerant of people who treat us like crap. Don't be the office conscience. Obviously, if something is heinously wrong, tell someone, but you need to weigh the benefit of pointing out minor infractions against the possible consequences.

Make a list of 3-5 things you enjoy at work, then translate them into strengths, and then note how that makes you different than others. I just finished reading this book in an effort to teach myself how to stop doing all of those little things that sabotage the advancement of my career. I'm not currently looking for a new job (even though I should be) but I'd still like to work on improving my skills and stop downplaying my abilities.Don't always feel the need to help. "Because women are taught early in their lives that others must know more than they do, so knowledge and self-confidence must be gained externally. Helping others is one way capable women gain external validation for their self-worth." SO TRUE. Allow yourself to 'waste' a little time each day. 'Wasting' time, like getting coffee or going out to lunch, allows you to build personal relationships with your coworkers. (Which might help you in getting another job later...) While I might feel a bit guilty stepping away from my desk to grab coffee with coworkers, building these personal relationships over the years has been good for my personal life (new friends!) but it might pay off professionally. (Not, of course, that my coworkers are only good for finding other jobs!)



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